I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
