I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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