she is the kim kardashian of front butts
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
