So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Randomize
