im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
