don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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