I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
