SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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