Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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