wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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