Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
