so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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