While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize