Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Randomize
