Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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