The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
