Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
