I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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