My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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