I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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