i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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