I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was born a porn star she said
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
