Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
