I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
