he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
