I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
