Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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