cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this will be a night to untag.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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