PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize