He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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