I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
