You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize