i was born a porn star she said
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
