I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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