My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
