The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
