New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
