just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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