the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As shirtless as possible
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
