his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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