i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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