The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
