Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
wow bdsm is so cute
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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