it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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