I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
