are you still at the devil's house?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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