White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize