im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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