The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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