Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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