I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
