there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
