well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
