i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you will always have a special place in my vag
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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