Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
