the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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